


The Consequences of Rule #5

by mcgarrygirl78



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-11
Updated: 2014-10-11
Packaged: 2018-02-20 18:24:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,369
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2438480
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mcgarrygirl78/pseuds/mcgarrygirl78
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Avoiding “the Haley issue” would never make it go away.  This was going to be a part of the rest of their lives.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Consequences of Rule #5

**Author's Note:**

> It’s getting harder to write my OTP and that sucks. This is an expansion on a comment fic. [](http://citymusings.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://citymusings.livejournal.com/)**citymusings** asked for **“Rule #5: the little things are important too”**. In my official fanon universe, Haley survives Foyet’s attack in _100_.

Hotch arrived home later than he wanted. He was at the office but that wasn’t what kept him away so long. He’d actually spent over an hour sitting in his truck trying to figure out what he was going to do. Rossi asked him out for a drink when the senior profiler saw Hotch was still in his office. Rossi wasn’t staying late much these days if he didn’t have to but he seemed to be waiting around for everyone to leave before approaching the Unit Chief.

Hotch turned down his drink offer; he wasn’t in the mood to share. Still, he wasn’t sure if he was going to figure this out on his own either. So he finally gave up, got cold, and went inside his apartment. Emily was sitting at the kitchen table.

He didn’t like how quiet it was…she usually liked music after a long day of paperwork at Quantico. But there was nothing playing tonight. All Hotch heard was the obnoxious hum of his refrigerator and the silence between them. The silence spoke volumes; it was a conversation he didn’t want to have.

"You're upset."

"I'm not upset, Aaron." Emily replied.

"Oh now I know you're upset...you're calling me Aaron."

"Are you trying to pick a fight with me? Cuz I gotta tell you that I'm really not in the mood for that game."

"No, I'm trying to prevent one. I don’t want to play games either."

"There’s nothing to fight about." Emily got up and poured herself a cup of coffee. She made a pot, even though it was nearly eleven o'clock. She was also on her second clove of the evening. It broke the unspoken rule Hotch had about smoking in his apartment.

Emily wasn’t in the mood to be accommodating tonight. Maybe there was a part of her that wanted to piss him off. Maybe he wasn’t the only one spoiling for a fight. Anything was better than the silence. The silence was slowly driving her mad.

"We need to..."

"It's been a long day. I just want to drink this coffee, unwind, and..."

"Rule #5." Hotch said firmly. It was time to stop playing games. Games weren't what they did; talking was.

The words made Emily stop for just a moment. She recovered, grabbed a mug from the cabinet and then poured the cup of coffee. The caramel creamer and the Splenda were already at the table. When she sat down again, Hotch joined her.

“Talk to me.” He said the rule aloud. “Tell me your insignificant thoughts, life-changing decisions, and everything in between. Communication is critical to making a relationship work. I don’t want to find out how you feel about things from someone else.”

"I don’t want to be that woman." She replied.

"What woman?"

"It's inevitable that Haley means something to you. She was your first love, your only love until I came along, I guess. She’s the mother of your child. You were married for a long, long time."

"Yes." He nodded.

"Why didn’t you just tell me that you were going to visit her at the rehab center?” Emily asked. “Did you think it would upset me?"

"Yes, but I don’t think that’s why I didn’t mention it. I don't know why I didn’t…it was a bad idea to keep it to myself. I didn’t know what you'd think."

"Don’t you think hearing it from Jack, who believed it to be innocuous, and it is innocuous Aaron, would really hurt?"

"I didn’t lie to you." He replied.

"No one said you lied to me. You didn’t have to lie. You shouldn’t keep things from me; especially things like that. In fact, you better not ever."

Hotch looked down at the table. He didn’t have the words. Here he was pulling Rule #5 out of his ass and he didn’t even have the words.

"I go once a week when I'm in town. I go on the same day, Wednesday. Steve works late that day so I don’t have to worry about running into him. You know I believe that he was the one calling my house and hanging up when I answered. I only go for an hour; Jack is there with us. We get to be parents to him, together, for just a little while. I do it for him."

"You do it for yourself too, Aaron. Why would I be mad that you want her to be OK? I want her to be OK. No one should have to go through what she did. She needs all of her family's support. You're her family too."

"We're divorced." Hotch said.

"So you should just forget about her? If we weren’t together would you even contemplate not spending time with Haley?"

"We are together, Emily. And she has Steve. And I just...can I take a shower?"

"What?"

"I need a shower; it’s been a long day. I need to think. I'm not running away, I just need to think. I want to talk about this."

Hotch was running away, and he knew Emily knew it. He also knew he couldn’t do it for long. He did need to think, just for a little while. The conversation wasn’t surprising but that didn’t mean he was ready for it just yet. Talking with Emily about Haley had never been easy. Adding on all the other things that happened recently…they were all holding on by their fingertips.

"Take your shower. I'll probably be in the bedroom when you come out."

"OK." Hotch stood and walked out of the kitchen. He came back and kissed Emily's lips. "That's from Jack. He wanted me to give you a big kiss."

"That's not a big kiss." Emily replied.

"I'll give you more after we talk."

He headed to the bedroom as Emily lit Clove #3. She convinced herself that #2 mostly burned out on the side of the ashtray. She had a feeling there would be no big kisses tonight. If Hotch wanted Rule #5, he would live with the consequences of his request. As a matter of fact, so would she.

Emily didn’t know if she was ready but this was something that could no longer be avoided. Haley wasn’t just going away. With all that happened, even thinking something like that riddled Emily with guilt. She had enough guilt in her life.

This issue needed to be resolved. They needed to talk through it even if Emily wanted to stick it in a box in the back of her mind. That’s where everything she refused to think about anymore went. Avoiding “the Haley issue” would never make it go away. This was going to be a part of the rest of their lives.

Sighing, Emily put out the clove before she was even halfway done. It was a waste of a good cigarette but her stomach was churning now. She needed to talk to someone but it was too late to call her stepmother or her sister. Neither would be mad about the phone call, but Emily didn’t want to worry them for nothing. The person she needed to talk to was right in the next room. She drummed up all the confidence she could and got up from the table.

***

Hotch came out of the bathroom about 20 minutes later already dressed in pajamas. Gone were the days of walking around in a towel thanks to George Foyet. He was OK if he never looked at his chest and torso again. Those horrendous scars would be with him for the rest of his life. His doctor had given him the name of a very good plastic surgeon who could lessen the appearance of them if not make them disappear altogether.

It was something Hotch thought about. He didn’t know if he would be the same person without them. He didn’t know if he wanted to be the person with them. Everything had changed, and it would never be the same again. They all had scars, inside and out…surgery would do nothing to make them disappear.

The bedroom was dark and Emily was already in bed. That was a strange development since he thought she wanted to talk. It was late though; maybe sleeping on it would be better. Not that Hotch was spoiling for a fight first thing in the morning before a long day at Quantico. He wanted to know what Emily was thinking and feeling. It was something he should've focused on a long time ago.

Their relationship began under the most precarious of circumstances but they worked through it. They worked through it with love and a lot of communication. Both he and Emily had the tendency to clam up when it came to their deepest feelings. They'd been hurt so much; saw themselves as failures in matters of the heart. Hotch had to fix this even if he had no idea how.

Sliding into bed and lying on his back, Hotch didn’t move. Emily lay on her side, a shark infested ocean between them. There wasn’t going to be much sleep tonight…he didn’t have to be a profiler to know that. His tired sigh pierced the darkness. Hotch could barely hear her breathing.

“Just don’t keep things from me.” Emily said, breaking the silence.

“I won't.”

“You did.”

“I messed up.” Hotch replied. “I tend to do that a lot. I don’t want to hurt you, baby.”

“We’re past that, Aaron. We are so fucking past that.”

“Emily, I don’t want to talk to your back.”

It took some time, and more silence, but she finally turned over and looked at him. She needed the darkness; didn’t want to look at his face. She loved him so much, felt for everything he was going through. That didn’t mean she wanted to look at his ‘I'm so sorry’ face. She couldn’t stand that face anymore.

Hotch needed to make some decisions, either they were in this together or they weren't. Emily didn’t think she needed to say it anymore. She’d said it enough. She was doing the best she could, being a support to him, a maternal figure to Jack, a strong team player in the BAU. How much more could she carry before the weight pulled her down?

“I love you so much, Emily. I should've told you I was going to see Haley but I didn’t even know how to articulate it. I'm not in love with her; I'm in love with you. But I'm not sure a day will ever come, no matter how much we may have hurt each other, that I don’t love her.

“I barely know how to express that to myself. Every time I try to find the words to tell you, they aren’t there. I don’t want to inadvertently hurt your feelings because that hurts me. But I guess there isn’t an easy way to do this, is there? I have to think about Jack, you, me, Haley, the team…I don’t want to let anybody down.”

“As long as you always tell me the truth, you're never letting me down.” Emily replied.

“I don’t know the truth right now.” Hotch said.

“You just said it. That’s the truth, Hotch. Sometimes we just don’t know and we have to follow the path to the end. That doesn’t mean we shut out the people who love us. That’s unacceptable.”

“What if…?”

“Never.” Emily cut him off.

“How do you know?” he reached out for her hand in the darkness. The warmth brought him some comfort. “I've heard that before, I'm afraid. It didn’t turn out to be true then either.”

“I love you more than anything and I'm not letting you go. You love me too. Our lives won't always revolve around vengeful serial killers and loved ones rebuilding what was lost. I know it seems crazy right now, but calm will come again. And when it does I don’t want to be anywhere but with you. If we can hold on during these storms, oh Aaron, the good days are going to be really, really good.”

Hotch pulled her close, he didn’t want her far away anymore. He held Emily to him and never wanted to let go. What a lucky man he was to have her in his life. There had to be a way for Hotch to express that; she needed to know. It didn’t matter if she already did. He needed to say it and he needed to say it right.

“The road won't always be this bumpy, will it?” he asked.

“I can't really say. I do know nothing worth having is easy. You, your love, are worth having.”

“I think your love is worth having more than mine is, Emily. You’ve been amazing as I’ve slowly, or maybe rapidly, slid into the depths of hell. I don’t know where I would be if you weren't always there to pick me up. I want to return the favor.”

“Surely you’ll have a chance.” She replied. “Right now, just being in your arms is good enough.”

Hotch nodded; he didn’t say anything more. He didn’t think it was good enough but what would be. This wasn’t about buying extravagant gifts or anything like that. Emily could care less about the material things. He needed to take her away, devote his time to nothing but her and Jack. It had been a while and all three of them deserved it. The world around them might never calm down but that didn’t mean they couldn’t leave it behind for a little while.

“Hawaii.” He whispered.

“Mmm, I’ll pack tomorrow.” Emily laughed.

“I mean it, Em.”

“Tomorrow?”

“No.” Hotch shook his head. “But soon, I promise.”

Emily just cuddled closer, kissed his neck, and closed her eyes. It was time for this day, and everything that came with it, to be over. Surely tomorrow she would face another challenge. The silence wasn’t so scary right now and, as always, she felt loved in Hotch’s arms. The storm wouldn’t last forever, and calm would surely follow. Emily would be there when it arrived. She was sure that Aaron would be as well.

***

  



End file.
